Should I go to College with my High School Boyfriend?
This question is tricky because it varies from relationship to relationship as well as person to person. Personally, I made the decision to go to school with my high school boyfriend because we both had similar goals, wanted to stay together, and we both saw and were willing to make our relationship last. If you are not sure what you want to do, this blog will help guide you through your decision.
THOUGHTS
Some good questions to ask yourself are - Will having my boyfriend around hinder my college experience? Do I want to be in a relationship at the start of college? Do I see myself with this boy long-term? Will I be giving up my dream college to follow him? Do you both have similar goals for the future? If your answers to these questions were No, Yes, Yes, No, Yes then you can probably go to college with your boyfriend. But even if they are not and you end up breaking up, chances are you will be attending a big enough school where you will never have to see him again or will never run into him after the breakup, and you guys can create separate lives. I know for some, that might be hard knowing you guys are still in close proximity.
If you have not been with your boyfriend for a long period of time, this can be tricky because you do not know what your relationship will look like in a new environment. If you have been in a relationship for multiple years, it is easier to guess on this one than a relationship that has only been together for a couple of months. There are five stages that every couple goes through in a relationship; merge, doubt and denial, disillusionment, decision, and the wholehearted stage. The merge stage is also known as the honeymoon stage, which is just full of heightened joy and emotions. The next stage is sort of like the wake-up stage, where you actually learn the differences between you and your partner, and is usually full of disappointment or worry. The next stage is usually what makes or breaks couples. This is where you are constantly fighting and shoving problems under the rug. The next stage is where we make the decision to leave or stay in the relationship. The next stage is typically when couples get married and when the relationship is in its purest form and they experience self-discovery, joy, passion, and acceptance. I would suggest not considering going to college with your boyfriend unless you have made it past the second or third phase.
One of the most challenging parts of college is being in a completely new place, balancing school, making new friends, making time for yourself, and for some, balancing a relationship. If you and your partner are both willing to make the effort to put time and love into one another, then there is nothing wrong with going to college together. Most of the time, this is the case, and then once college starts, either one or both members realize they do not have the time or they would rather spend their time partying and meeting new people. It all comes down to what works the best between the two people. My boyfriend and I were both committed to prioritizing our relationship, and while we went through some rough patches, it all worked out in the end. A common misconception about relationships is that everything is sunshine and rainbows. While sometimes this can be the case, it is not consistently 100% true and will be equally hard.
Something that I was scared of was, what if I miss my husband/the guy I’m supposed to be with because I’m busy with my current boyfriend? Something I learned was that you’re not going to meet your husband at a frat party or a bar. Maybe in class or at church, but definitely not in the places you are looking at or thinking of. While I still have three years to go, I did not meet anyone who was outstanding or stood out to me in the first year. Do not be scared of this, because if God wants you to meet someone else, then you will.
Another thing I was afraid of was the fear and judgment of others. I don’t really know why, but I was scared of the opinions of my friends and high school classmates who would make fun of my decision for going to the same school as my boyfriend. Even some of my friends laughed and told me I was making a stupid mistake. This brought my confidence down, but I just had to remember that this was what worked best for our relationship, and I should not be embarrassed by it.
Something else is that you do not want to give up your dreams and plan for someone else. Do not follow someone to their dream school and put your wants and needs before theirs. Since me and my boyfriend did not really have dream schools, we found a school that both fit our criteria.
Overall, while it is a tough decision, the answer is going to be different for everyone. While I never thought I would be going to college with a boyfriend, God had different plans for me. Do not base your decision off of the opinions of others; ask your parents, mentors, teachers, or me :) for advice. Base your decision off of what will benefit and work best for the both of you. You got this!
